The fear of feedback – making it easier
Fear of public speaking, coined glossophobia, is one of the most common phobias that exist. It’s often one we hear senior leaders complain about, with the thought of speaking in front of crowds or doing big presentations, nerve racking. However, after many years coaching managers, I’ve uncovered another fear among our leaders. This one may not be getting the same airtime as glossophobia, but it is very prevalent among those in charge of doing it. What is it? The fear of giving feedback.
In my coaching conversations I often discover that a client is averse to giving frequent, open, and constructive feedback. To them it feels uncomfortable, awkward, or too hard. To me, this stems back to capability building in core leadership skills, which many organisations aren’t equipping their managers with early enough, if at all!
When I dig into this with my clients, I find much of their reluctance comes down to avoidance. I see avoidance all around me in organisations. Rather than leaning in and providing constructive feedback, leaders are holding back from having tough conversations. Instead, they lay low when things get tough, stay away from conflict, and hope problems will take care of themselves. Beware of avoidance; it’s one of the most destructive behaviours in organisations and a key trait holding leaders back.
I’ve been a passionate advocate for, and teacher of, giving feedback for almost 20 years. Below are my top tips for building your feedback capability so it’s easier for you and your people to give, and to receive.
1. Think of the positive
The term ‘feedback’ has negative connotations because we forget that it also includes talking about the things individuals are doing well. Positive feedback is a critical component of getting the best out of people, with high performing teams giving five times more positive feedback than negative.
Action: frequently praise team members and colleagues for what they’re doing well. This can be when you see them working to their strengths, when they’ve overcome something difficult, achieved a goal, or demonstrated great behaviours.
2. Timing, location and permission
When and how you provide feedback is just as important as what you say. The golden rules are: provide the feedback as close to the action as possible (ideally straight away), move to a space that’s appropriate and confidential, and ask if they are ok for you to provide them with feedback.
Action: think carefully about how and when to provide feedback and set the scene in a respectful way. If it’s not a good time for them but you feel obliged to provide it (e.g. you’re their leader), ask them to let you know another appropriate time.
3. Ask for their perspectives first
Flag what you’d like to talk about and allow them to consider their own actions or behaviours first (e.g., “how do you think you came across in that meeting?”). If they have good personal awareness, they might do the work for you!
Action: whilst we’re generally keen to get to the feedback, once you’ve provided some details on what you’d like to give them feedback on, pause and ask for their own reflections first.
4. Give clear and succinct feedback
There are many great feedback models out there, but my favourite is the AID model. A = Action: be specific about the action you saw, e.g. “In our team meeting yesterday afternoon when you talked over your colleague…”. I = Impact: share the impact on you or others, e.g. “I noticed that she stopped contributing her ideas.” D = Do Differently: be clear about the change you’re requesting, e.g. “Next time it would be great if you could wait until others have finished speaking before you share your views.”
Action: follow a structure when providing feedback to keep you on track and ensure you’re concise. People receiving feedback typically want the message conveyed clearly and quickly.
5. Check in for questions
Ask the person you’re providing feedback to if they have any questions or would like further clarity. This could be for further information, where you’ve seen them do this previously, can you provide more details on the impact on others etc.
Action: Always allow time for questions, either straight away or afterwards once they’ve considered the feedback further. And allow time for them to start reflecting if they wish to.
6. Offer ongoing support
As the giver of feedback, there is usually something YOU can do to support the person receiving it. For example, if the person has done a great job on something, you can offer them an opportunity to further leverage their skills. Or, if they’re working on improving how they come across in meetings, with their permission you can support them by sharing your observations after meetings.
Action: feedback is more than “say and walk away.” Make sure you ask if there’s anything you can do to support your teammate and always remember to check in on how they’re feeling, especially if it’s been a tough conversation.
This information is provided with the sole intention of providing general information only. We make no warranty nor assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness or use of any information on this article. The content of this article should not be used as a substitute for professional advice. You agree to use this article at your own risk.